Something to Laugh About-1/22/2012

I did not author any of the following jokes but I found them funny and decided to share them with you to give you something to laugh about:


 1. Sadie falls into a deep depression after losing her husband of 4 years. So her mom introduces her to a young man named Rick and convinces the two to go out. They hit it off, and after two weeks of dating, they decide to take a weekend vacation together.

 The first night, they check into a hotel and get ready for bed. Sadie strips down to a pair of black panties, and Rick gets totally naked.

 "What's with the panties?" he asks.

 "You may fondle my breasts," she says, "but the rest belongs to my late husband until I'm done mourning."

 So Rick fondles her breasts until he and Sadie fall asleep.

 The next night it's the same scenario-Sadie in black panties and Rick totally naked. This time, however, Rick has an erection, and he's wearing a black condom.

 "What's that?" asks Sadie.

 Says Rick, "I'm going to offer my condolences."


 2. What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

 Answer: Throw in a load of laundry. 


3. A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when a woman sidles up next to him. "You're cute", says the woman. "Do you want to go back to my place and have some nasty sex?"

 "You bet!" exclaims the hillbilly. "But I have to tell you, I'm a virgin. I've always been scared because my mom told me that women have sharp teeth between their legs, and sometimes they bite."

 "Don't worry," the woman says, and the two head back to her place, where she strips and shows the hillbilly her private parts. "Now, does it look like I have teeth down there?" she asks.

 "How could you possibly have teeth down there?" he says. "Look at the shape your gums are in!"


 4. Two 80 year old women are driving in a car when they come upon an intersection. The light is red, but they drive right through it. The woman in the passenger seat thinks to herself, 'I must be losing it. I could swear we just ran a red light.' After a few more minutes they come upon another intersection and again they run the red light. The woman in the passenger seat decides to speak up: "Mildred! You just ran two red lights in a row!"

"Oh", says Mildred. "Am I driving?!?"


5. A woman is having an affair with a pest-control man. One afternoon they're making love in her bed when her husband arrives unexpectantly. "Quick," she says, "into the closet!"

The husband finds the exterminator's clothes, however, and becomes suspicious. He pokes around and finds the guy. "Who are you, and why are you in my closet?" the husband asks.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," the man answers, "and I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths."

"And why are you nude?" inquires the husband.

The man looks down at himself and says. "Those little bastards!"


6. Three guys are drinking and discussing the dates they had the night before. "My date was a nurse," says the first guy. "As we got naked, she said, 'Lie back and relax. this won't hurt a bit."

"Wow," responds the next guy. "Mine was a teacher. She said, 'Bad boy! Do it again until you do it right!"

"I can top that," says the last guy. "Mine was a stewardess. All she said was, 'Put this over your mouth and nose and continue to breathe normally."


I hope you all enjoyed...more will come soon.