Do you like songs made by people like 2Pac, Johnny O, Whitney Houston or Patrick Swayze? Well, read on for something to think about the next time you "rock" to their music.
I think everyone agrees with me when I say that music could be listened to for achievement of a calm, peaceful state of mind. But it can also lead you to destruction....if you allow it to.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a music lover; maybe more than the average person, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.
Listening to music is okay as long as an individual doesn't let it control their lives nor take precedence over more important things in life. You see, music can lead you to a terrible disformaty when you choose to do it before doing more important things like doing your legal research, reading intellectual non-fiction books, studying for your classes or just reading a good novel.
Though time is something which many of us have alot of in here, it is also very important to use wisely in regards of helping ourselves reach the goals we've set for ourselves in life since time is needed to study, practice and/or concentrate on your goals to become successful in achieving them. When a person takes all his/her time to listen to music then all that time can't be used for more progressive things like being successful at those goals.
Do you honestly think that 2Pac, Little Kim, Johnny O, Cynthia, Sheryl Crow, Patrick Swayze, Gladys Knight, Whitney Houston and Stevie Wonder became successful by wasting all their time listening to music all day? NOT! Listening to music probably did help them become ambitious enough to take alot of the risks they took to get where they did, but the majority of their time was spent learning about their future careers (business, production etc) and learning the traits they'd need to carry them out (reading/writing music etc)
Even Disc Jockeys (D.J.s) didn't spend all their time listening to music even though their careers would revolve around it; D.J. Red Alert, Ron G, and D-Nice all took time out to learn about the radio technology they would use before they gained their fame.
All of us have to spend our time progressively so that we could become as, and even more, famous than any rapper, singer, dancer or even rocket scientist. So, instead of killing off the whole day by listening to that music we all love, take your time out to analyze your options, figure out what your goals are and become the best at whatever you want to be in life. Also, advise your friends/family to do the same.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
If You'd Look Into My Eyes (Poetry-6/1999)
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see, stories I'm afraid to tell,
stories of pain that make life seem like hell.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the pain my smile attempts to hide,
the loneliness and hurt I feel inside.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the ones I've loved in life,
the ones I've lost faster than the roll of dice.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see all those who's run out on me,
even those I hate but would give anything to see.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see how many I've lost,
for which, everyday, I pay a heavy cost.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the ones I hold most high,
the ones I love more than life but always die.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the dreams that's been shattered,
that at one time did, but no longer matter.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the lovers which have slipped away,
which I no longer see, but still think of every day.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see all the friends I had while home,
which remind me of abandonment as I sit here all alone.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see all the women I've had in bed,
who preferred not to remember, so forgot me instead.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd feel all the pain which I feel,
when everyone I trust in, doesn't keep it real.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see how I wish for someone who'd care,
someone..anyone, who'd even care enough to stare.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the love I hold inside,
enough love to fill the big blue skies.
This one secret my eyes would never hide......
......If you'd only look into my eyes!
You'd see, stories I'm afraid to tell,
stories of pain that make life seem like hell.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the pain my smile attempts to hide,
the loneliness and hurt I feel inside.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the ones I've loved in life,
the ones I've lost faster than the roll of dice.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see all those who's run out on me,
even those I hate but would give anything to see.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see how many I've lost,
for which, everyday, I pay a heavy cost.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the ones I hold most high,
the ones I love more than life but always die.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the dreams that's been shattered,
that at one time did, but no longer matter.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the lovers which have slipped away,
which I no longer see, but still think of every day.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see all the friends I had while home,
which remind me of abandonment as I sit here all alone.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see all the women I've had in bed,
who preferred not to remember, so forgot me instead.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd feel all the pain which I feel,
when everyone I trust in, doesn't keep it real.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see how I wish for someone who'd care,
someone..anyone, who'd even care enough to stare.
If you'd look into my eyes:
You'd see the love I hold inside,
enough love to fill the big blue skies.
This one secret my eyes would never hide......
......If you'd only look into my eyes!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Girl of my Dreams (Poetry-6/1999)
I thought I saw you yesterday...
...'cause once I did, music played.
What you wore is not important...
...either way, your love's absorbant.
One look made me feel like a king...
...or more like a puppet on a string.
Mostly cheerful, sometimes reprimanding...
...but always sure of where you're standing.
Your type, makes hearts cringe...
...but you make ME feel like a drunk on a binge.
The reason is what you hold inside...
...the part I easily see, but from others you hide.
It's full of sugar, spice and everything nice...
...but to get in they must all pay a price.
Not, as in monetary, 'cuz that's not your style...
...but, of love, of which, you'd love a pile.
Kind, loyal, understanding and trusting...
...and with love, you're definitely busting.
Not to worry, in me, a broken-heart you'll never find...
...'cause if allowed, you'd always be mine.
The one woman I'd never leave and always be true to...
...kept you company when there was nothing else to do.
For me, you cooked, washed and cleaned...
...but then, no more of you, I seen.
Covered with dirt, in a coffin you lie...
...making me wonder, why people must die.
Good, bad, or neutral doesn't seem to count...
...that big flying unicorn irregardless, you'll mount.
But in my heart, you'll always remain...
...with my bitterness, pleasure and my pain.
If I could, I'd cry and cry and cry...
...but your loss has me dry inside.
Mommy, I first began writing this story...
...about a girl whom I'd love to glory.
This girl I see every night in my dreams...
...but why write about a dream...
...when there's reality!
...'cause once I did, music played.
What you wore is not important...
...either way, your love's absorbant.
One look made me feel like a king...
...or more like a puppet on a string.
Mostly cheerful, sometimes reprimanding...
...but always sure of where you're standing.
Your type, makes hearts cringe...
...but you make ME feel like a drunk on a binge.
The reason is what you hold inside...
...the part I easily see, but from others you hide.
It's full of sugar, spice and everything nice...
...but to get in they must all pay a price.
Not, as in monetary, 'cuz that's not your style...
...but, of love, of which, you'd love a pile.
Kind, loyal, understanding and trusting...
...and with love, you're definitely busting.
Not to worry, in me, a broken-heart you'll never find...
...'cause if allowed, you'd always be mine.
The one woman I'd never leave and always be true to...
...kept you company when there was nothing else to do.
For me, you cooked, washed and cleaned...
...but then, no more of you, I seen.
Covered with dirt, in a coffin you lie...
...making me wonder, why people must die.
Good, bad, or neutral doesn't seem to count...
...that big flying unicorn irregardless, you'll mount.
But in my heart, you'll always remain...
...with my bitterness, pleasure and my pain.
If I could, I'd cry and cry and cry...
...but your loss has me dry inside.
Mommy, I first began writing this story...
...about a girl whom I'd love to glory.
This girl I see every night in my dreams...
...but why write about a dream...
...when there's reality!
Imprisonment-Who is the Culprit?-1998
What is "prison"? According to the American Heritage Dictionary it is: "a place of confinement for persons convicted or accused of crimes." The same dictionary defines "prisoner" as: "a person deprived of freedom of action or expression."
Any logical, thinking person knows that people who are "convicted or accused of crimes" are not the only people who are "deprived of action or expression." And any person who reads the newspaper or watches the news knows that even innocent people are deprived of those rights; through kidnappings, hostage situations, and, most dangerously, psychological torture.
That's the real "prison" we have to be afraid of "being in"; the one which is in the mind, the one that is "built" by prejudices, and any other psychological disorders.
There are millions (maybe more) of people in the world who've been stagnated in their educational growth, not to mention the rest of the progressive traits that take an effort to get, just because of the notion that we aren't made to be perfect. Ever since young children were told that we're not made to be perfect. This is taught to us by school teachers whenever we're taking a failing grade too hard. This is taught to us through the majority of the "religions" which surround us in everyday life. This is even taught by our own parents, who mean well but unknowingly are creating an unnecessary pessimistic attitude towards our own abilities. Okay, so you believe we ain't perfect, that's expected, but you don't have to repeat it so much that your children begin to believe that their hopes in reaching that perfection, or better yet, higher-thought, is worthless.
Another way we are imprisoned is by our early "teaching" (through action) that we're inferior to others because we're "different". As children in school we are beat up/bullied by other children for having more lunch money, not having any lunch money, our transportation from school, the clothes we wear, for being too dumb and even for being too smart. (Alot of these examples can be applied to different times in a person's life, but I'm concentrating on school and childhood because that's usually the first community preparation phase.) Anyone who went to school, whether it be for 2 weeks or until a degree was achieved, knows that these taunts caused alot of children to drop out of school or get kicked out just to avoid being considered "nerds" or "teacher's pets."
An even more popular psychological disorder indoctrinated in us is racism. How many of you have been denied entry into an establishment, a job or neighbor's home just because of your ethnic background or the color of your skin? How many of you have had bottles thrown at you, eggs, stones or even had friends/relatives who were murdered for those same reasons?
But, here I won't look at the physical hurt caused by racism, here I'll concentrate on the mental one. When you were a child and were called "nigger", "spic", "honkey", "goya bean", "coon" or "blue-eyed devil" (and many more which I haven't enough room for). The first thought(s) you had included something like "the whole world is against me", so what, I don't care what they think cause we're all equal anyway. But, yet, that is the truth; we're all equal.
Does it really matter if you are black, white, yellow or green? Don't we all have to eat to prevent dying from starvation; drink liquids to avoid drying up and have blood running through our veins? If we do, which I'm sure we all agree we do, why must we use these contemptuous labels towards each other? Why must we keep hating each other for these reasons? Because we haven't gotten to the base of the problem, we have to find out who taught us these things and stop them.
So who do you think is the culprit? I don't think we have to look far; just look in the mirror!
You say to yourself, "wait a minute! I'm not racist, I don't down no one for being smarter than me or tell them they aren't perfect." But the truth of the matter is that if you see it happening and don't do anything to stop it, you're "guilty" too! What people fail to see and understand is that we won't be "freed" from this psychological imprisonment until we all, people as a body (black, white, yellow, African, American, Puerto Rican, Columbian, Chinese, etc) open our eyes and really "see" what's going on and the only way we can do that is by helping our brothers and sisters look deeper at things before we make it available to others, especially our children, since they are the next generation. If everyone would do that starting today, one day we would be free.
Any logical, thinking person knows that people who are "convicted or accused of crimes" are not the only people who are "deprived of action or expression." And any person who reads the newspaper or watches the news knows that even innocent people are deprived of those rights; through kidnappings, hostage situations, and, most dangerously, psychological torture.
That's the real "prison" we have to be afraid of "being in"; the one which is in the mind, the one that is "built" by prejudices, and any other psychological disorders.
There are millions (maybe more) of people in the world who've been stagnated in their educational growth, not to mention the rest of the progressive traits that take an effort to get, just because of the notion that we aren't made to be perfect. Ever since young children were told that we're not made to be perfect. This is taught to us by school teachers whenever we're taking a failing grade too hard. This is taught to us through the majority of the "religions" which surround us in everyday life. This is even taught by our own parents, who mean well but unknowingly are creating an unnecessary pessimistic attitude towards our own abilities. Okay, so you believe we ain't perfect, that's expected, but you don't have to repeat it so much that your children begin to believe that their hopes in reaching that perfection, or better yet, higher-thought, is worthless.
Another way we are imprisoned is by our early "teaching" (through action) that we're inferior to others because we're "different". As children in school we are beat up/bullied by other children for having more lunch money, not having any lunch money, our transportation from school, the clothes we wear, for being too dumb and even for being too smart. (Alot of these examples can be applied to different times in a person's life, but I'm concentrating on school and childhood because that's usually the first community preparation phase.) Anyone who went to school, whether it be for 2 weeks or until a degree was achieved, knows that these taunts caused alot of children to drop out of school or get kicked out just to avoid being considered "nerds" or "teacher's pets."
An even more popular psychological disorder indoctrinated in us is racism. How many of you have been denied entry into an establishment, a job or neighbor's home just because of your ethnic background or the color of your skin? How many of you have had bottles thrown at you, eggs, stones or even had friends/relatives who were murdered for those same reasons?
But, here I won't look at the physical hurt caused by racism, here I'll concentrate on the mental one. When you were a child and were called "nigger", "spic", "honkey", "goya bean", "coon" or "blue-eyed devil" (and many more which I haven't enough room for). The first thought(s) you had included something like "the whole world is against me", so what, I don't care what they think cause we're all equal anyway. But, yet, that is the truth; we're all equal.
Does it really matter if you are black, white, yellow or green? Don't we all have to eat to prevent dying from starvation; drink liquids to avoid drying up and have blood running through our veins? If we do, which I'm sure we all agree we do, why must we use these contemptuous labels towards each other? Why must we keep hating each other for these reasons? Because we haven't gotten to the base of the problem, we have to find out who taught us these things and stop them.
So who do you think is the culprit? I don't think we have to look far; just look in the mirror!
You say to yourself, "wait a minute! I'm not racist, I don't down no one for being smarter than me or tell them they aren't perfect." But the truth of the matter is that if you see it happening and don't do anything to stop it, you're "guilty" too! What people fail to see and understand is that we won't be "freed" from this psychological imprisonment until we all, people as a body (black, white, yellow, African, American, Puerto Rican, Columbian, Chinese, etc) open our eyes and really "see" what's going on and the only way we can do that is by helping our brothers and sisters look deeper at things before we make it available to others, especially our children, since they are the next generation. If everyone would do that starting today, one day we would be free.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
What are you going to do when your parents aren't around anymore?-1998
When we are faced with this question, we usually push it aside with "Don't worry about it," or "They aren't going to die," or "They are still healthy." The real reason we come out with replies like that isn't because we truly believe it, but it's because we're scared to face the reality that one day our parents aren't going to be there anymore. We already know that everything/everyone must physically die sometime; but since we've never really thought about a life without our parents, we picture them there until the day we die. Unfortunately, they do die and we aren't prepared for it emotionally. You see, I made that same mistake before losing my mother and emotionally I really wasn't prepared, which comes down to the reason for me writing this.
I want you to work up the nerve to face their not being in your life anymore and prepare for it emotionally before it happens. What is good to do is to sit down with your parents and have them tell you all about their past experiences, (schools they attended, games they played, etc...) and encourage them to take alot of pictures to help you keep them alive in your mind and heart. I know that you are probably thinking, "Who the hell does he think he is, telling us how to do it right when he didn't even do it right?" But that is exactly why I am telling you this. Because we learn from our mistakes and believe me, I made a big mistake.
Instead of sitting down and talking to my mother more, I went out to play around with my friends and hang out on the corner trying to look "fly" so I could attract girls. Now I am sitting here stressed out because I hardly knew anything at all about my mother's past. I don't even have those same friends, or any of those girls I attracted on the corner.
I'm telling you all this because I want you to have the memories of your parents, (those, which I don't have of my mother) once they do pass away. Also, so that when someone asks you, "What are you going to do when your parents aren't around anymore?" you can be able to honestly say: "They will always be around through all the memories that I have of them!"
I want you to work up the nerve to face their not being in your life anymore and prepare for it emotionally before it happens. What is good to do is to sit down with your parents and have them tell you all about their past experiences, (schools they attended, games they played, etc...) and encourage them to take alot of pictures to help you keep them alive in your mind and heart. I know that you are probably thinking, "Who the hell does he think he is, telling us how to do it right when he didn't even do it right?" But that is exactly why I am telling you this. Because we learn from our mistakes and believe me, I made a big mistake.
Instead of sitting down and talking to my mother more, I went out to play around with my friends and hang out on the corner trying to look "fly" so I could attract girls. Now I am sitting here stressed out because I hardly knew anything at all about my mother's past. I don't even have those same friends, or any of those girls I attracted on the corner.
I'm telling you all this because I want you to have the memories of your parents, (those, which I don't have of my mother) once they do pass away. Also, so that when someone asks you, "What are you going to do when your parents aren't around anymore?" you can be able to honestly say: "They will always be around through all the memories that I have of them!"
Monday, January 23, 2012
Declaration of Remembrance Day-1/23/2012
This is a message to all of my comrades who were successful in coming out sane and alive after enduring the struggle:
Remember when you were in and the old timers told you never to forget; that you must give something back? Come on, don't lie to yourself, we all had that pep talk at one time or another! Well, now I'm calling you all on it...join my campaign to designate our own holiday, September 13th, Remembrance Day!
This is a day when we remember all of our loved ones on locked down. We give back by giving them a visit, sending them a package of food, sending them a money order, or just sitting down to write them a letter to let them know you remember them! This is a day for all of their loved ones to show them that you remember them; the sons, fathers, daughters, mothers, cousins, aunts and just plain good friends!
Think about the days when no matter what went down you didn't have to worry about anything because they had your back.
Think about the times when you were cold and dirty and they were the ones who gave you a place to stay and wash.
Think about the times when you were feeling lonely and they were the ones who kept you company and gave you love.
Think about the times when you had not a penny in your pocket, with a grumbling stomach, and they were the ones to feed you and give you money to survive.
Every group of people has this day. Every religion in existence has it. Veterans have it. Presidents have it. Even Groundhogs have one. Now we want our day!
We can make it happen if only we try. I'm not asking you to run rampant in the streets or take anyone hostage like a lot of you promised you'd do when the call for loyalty came; simply pass the word and participate when the date gets here....
.....Remembrance Day! September 13th!
Remember when you were in and the old timers told you never to forget; that you must give something back? Come on, don't lie to yourself, we all had that pep talk at one time or another! Well, now I'm calling you all on it...join my campaign to designate our own holiday, September 13th, Remembrance Day!
This is a day when we remember all of our loved ones on locked down. We give back by giving them a visit, sending them a package of food, sending them a money order, or just sitting down to write them a letter to let them know you remember them! This is a day for all of their loved ones to show them that you remember them; the sons, fathers, daughters, mothers, cousins, aunts and just plain good friends!
Think about the days when no matter what went down you didn't have to worry about anything because they had your back.
Think about the times when you were cold and dirty and they were the ones who gave you a place to stay and wash.
Think about the times when you were feeling lonely and they were the ones who kept you company and gave you love.
Think about the times when you had not a penny in your pocket, with a grumbling stomach, and they were the ones to feed you and give you money to survive.
Every group of people has this day. Every religion in existence has it. Veterans have it. Presidents have it. Even Groundhogs have one. Now we want our day!
We can make it happen if only we try. I'm not asking you to run rampant in the streets or take anyone hostage like a lot of you promised you'd do when the call for loyalty came; simply pass the word and participate when the date gets here....
.....Remembrance Day! September 13th!
Change is Needed (Poetry-2/2000)
An education is needed to make a change...
...we have to get back to normal, outta the strange.
Back to learn about the days in the west...
...when those with the fastest draw was the best.
Learn about the times when they resorted to guns, Blue Steele...
...when the gun proved to a man it was real.
No one could dis' your homie, not a civilian, or cop...
...If this was done, like a short-fused firecracker, it'd pop.
But not in your hand, in your face...
...next thing you'd know, you'd be in a whole different place.
A place like heaven; blue and white everywhere...
...all your homies, you'll see anywhere you turn your stare.
The land of the dead down below and blue skies up above...
...much violence possible, but peaceful as a dove.
These are the times we need to emulate...
...bringing the '30's up-to-date.
A time when flags weren't held off the ground...
...but dropped when acts of war came around.
When people never rolled alone but in groups of four...
...cuz alone you couldn't bone rush that door.
Yes, an education is needed...
...cuz a change is eminent, in how we're treated.
And those who don't know...better beat it!
...we have to get back to normal, outta the strange.
Back to learn about the days in the west...
...when those with the fastest draw was the best.
Learn about the times when they resorted to guns, Blue Steele...
...when the gun proved to a man it was real.
No one could dis' your homie, not a civilian, or cop...
...If this was done, like a short-fused firecracker, it'd pop.
But not in your hand, in your face...
...next thing you'd know, you'd be in a whole different place.
A place like heaven; blue and white everywhere...
...all your homies, you'll see anywhere you turn your stare.
The land of the dead down below and blue skies up above...
...much violence possible, but peaceful as a dove.
These are the times we need to emulate...
...bringing the '30's up-to-date.
A time when flags weren't held off the ground...
...but dropped when acts of war came around.
When people never rolled alone but in groups of four...
...cuz alone you couldn't bone rush that door.
Yes, an education is needed...
...cuz a change is eminent, in how we're treated.
And those who don't know...better beat it!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Soul Expression (Poetry-3/4/2002)
The weaving of two souls is never fully understood,
the path of the heart is separate from any mood.
The destiny of a meeting or contact,
oblivious to any human force.
No efforts on our parts can ever accomplish this;
a union controlled solely by a karmic state.
No physical limits, laws or prohibitions;
nothing's strong enough to prevent this happening.
Our connection is more of a soul-filled one;
unlike any connection usually imagined.
This is a union I appreciate and allow;
your turn to succumb for destiny calls.
the path of the heart is separate from any mood.
The destiny of a meeting or contact,
oblivious to any human force.
No efforts on our parts can ever accomplish this;
a union controlled solely by a karmic state.
No physical limits, laws or prohibitions;
nothing's strong enough to prevent this happening.
Our connection is more of a soul-filled one;
unlike any connection usually imagined.
This is a union I appreciate and allow;
your turn to succumb for destiny calls.
Spiritual Song (Poetry-8/2001)
While the nights are dark and gloomy...
...and the days are crazy and loony.
I allow my spirits to soar me into the sky...
...by keeping my thoughts on the Lord up high.
His power's great and magnificent...
...stretching from New Years, and beyond Easter's Lent.
With his power I feel protected...
...and my prayers prove I'm accepted.
With His blessings, I receive your love...
...which the Lord sends from above.
I pray and thank Him every night...
...because your care makes it all right.
So while the nights are dark and gloomy...
...and the days are crazy and loony.
I allow your love to keep me high...
...and remain thankful for the Heaven in the sky!
...and the days are crazy and loony.
I allow my spirits to soar me into the sky...
...by keeping my thoughts on the Lord up high.
His power's great and magnificent...
...stretching from New Years, and beyond Easter's Lent.
With his power I feel protected...
...and my prayers prove I'm accepted.
With His blessings, I receive your love...
...which the Lord sends from above.
I pray and thank Him every night...
...because your care makes it all right.
So while the nights are dark and gloomy...
...and the days are crazy and loony.
I allow your love to keep me high...
...and remain thankful for the Heaven in the sky!
Entrapped By Feeling (Poetry-3/2/2002)
Heightened desires and lovely thoughts...
...permeate the minds of those you've caught.
Entrapped by beauty and exciteful feeling...
...within a cage, with pulses reeling.
Erratic rates causing a machine's haywire...
...unread by tests which can't read desire.
A sickness incurable no matter your schooling...
...only your touch can cause this fever's cooling.
A friendly touch, a warm embrace...
...or your glittering eyes within that beautiful face.
A loss of control within your presence...
...around your royalty I am simply a peasant.
I succumb and become your willing prisoner...
...hoping, one day, you would be my visitor.
...permeate the minds of those you've caught.
Entrapped by beauty and exciteful feeling...
...within a cage, with pulses reeling.
Erratic rates causing a machine's haywire...
...unread by tests which can't read desire.
A sickness incurable no matter your schooling...
...only your touch can cause this fever's cooling.
A friendly touch, a warm embrace...
...or your glittering eyes within that beautiful face.
A loss of control within your presence...
...around your royalty I am simply a peasant.
I succumb and become your willing prisoner...
...hoping, one day, you would be my visitor.
My Holiday (Poetry-2/23/2002)
Christmas, New Year's, Labor Day...
...Valentine's, Halloween and Lincoln's Birthday.
All these are declared holidays...
...but no one sees the truly special days.
The days you laugh and smile that way...
...making me smile and feel okay.
This causes the feelings that make me say...
...any day with you is a special day.
...Valentine's, Halloween and Lincoln's Birthday.
All these are declared holidays...
...but no one sees the truly special days.
The days you laugh and smile that way...
...making me smile and feel okay.
This causes the feelings that make me say...
...any day with you is a special day.
Sick Call (Poetry-2/23/2002)
A woman, a man, a patient, a nurse...
...a limited conversation that seems to be cursed.
Closely watched by those who misunderstand...
...a friendly exchange or slight touch of the hand.
Not enough time to exchange an idea...
...a look speaks volumes, simple and clear.
To watch the eyes, smile and slight touch of the hand...
...is the only way to understand:
A mutual feeling and mental connection...
...expressed through a friendly affection.
...a limited conversation that seems to be cursed.
Closely watched by those who misunderstand...
...a friendly exchange or slight touch of the hand.
Not enough time to exchange an idea...
...a look speaks volumes, simple and clear.
To watch the eyes, smile and slight touch of the hand...
...is the only way to understand:
A mutual feeling and mental connection...
...expressed through a friendly affection.
Can I Call? (Poetry)
As I sit here thinking, you're probably cramming for the test;
I have no doubt you'll pass, with flying colors...no less.
Not the first time you've tried, so it's kind of sad;
sad cuz you deserve it...it's a title you already had.
Without the raise and added benefits, you always handled the job;
making sure things ran smoothly, even doing other's jobs.
Wearing a shirt of white or not, you deserve a salute;
you're a leader of right...always leading in truth.
Leading yourself...you led me to believe;
wanting to be your friend is what I wanted indeed.
A good positive friend is truly hard to find;
a friend like you..with a warm smile..a heart that's kind.
When you come back I'll be gone but I wish again we'd meet...
for a movie, lunch or just "Hello" on the street.
To make it possible I was wondering if I could call on the phone...
..if I could have your number..a beeper's...a friend's...if not the one in your home.
I have no doubt you'll pass, with flying colors...no less.
Not the first time you've tried, so it's kind of sad;
sad cuz you deserve it...it's a title you already had.
Without the raise and added benefits, you always handled the job;
making sure things ran smoothly, even doing other's jobs.
Wearing a shirt of white or not, you deserve a salute;
you're a leader of right...always leading in truth.
Leading yourself...you led me to believe;
wanting to be your friend is what I wanted indeed.
A good positive friend is truly hard to find;
a friend like you..with a warm smile..a heart that's kind.
When you come back I'll be gone but I wish again we'd meet...
for a movie, lunch or just "Hello" on the street.
To make it possible I was wondering if I could call on the phone...
..if I could have your number..a beeper's...a friend's...if not the one in your home.
Something to Laugh About-1/22/2012
I did not author any of the following jokes but I found them funny and decided to share them with you to give you something to laugh about:
1. Sadie falls into a deep depression after losing her husband of 4 years. So her mom introduces her to a young man named Rick and convinces the two to go out. They hit it off, and after two weeks of dating, they decide to take a weekend vacation together.
The first night, they check into a hotel and get ready for bed. Sadie strips down to a pair of black panties, and Rick gets totally naked.
"What's with the panties?" he asks.
"You may fondle my breasts," she says, "but the rest belongs to my late husband until I'm done mourning."
So Rick fondles her breasts until he and Sadie fall asleep.
The next night it's the same scenario-Sadie in black panties and Rick totally naked. This time, however, Rick has an erection, and he's wearing a black condom.
"What's that?" asks Sadie.
Says Rick, "I'm going to offer my condolences."
2. What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub?
Answer: Throw in a load of laundry.
3. A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when a woman sidles up next to him. "You're cute", says the woman. "Do you want to go back to my place and have some nasty sex?"
"You bet!" exclaims the hillbilly. "But I have to tell you, I'm a virgin. I've always been scared because my mom told me that women have sharp teeth between their legs, and sometimes they bite."
"Don't worry," the woman says, and the two head back to her place, where she strips and shows the hillbilly her private parts. "Now, does it look like I have teeth down there?" she asks.
"How could you possibly have teeth down there?" he says. "Look at the shape your gums are in!"
4. Two 80 year old women are driving in a car when they come upon an intersection. The light is red, but they drive right through it. The woman in the passenger seat thinks to herself, 'I must be losing it. I could swear we just ran a red light.' After a few more minutes they come upon another intersection and again they run the red light. The woman in the passenger seat decides to speak up: "Mildred! You just ran two red lights in a row!"
"Oh", says Mildred. "Am I driving?!?"
5. A woman is having an affair with a pest-control man. One afternoon they're making love in her bed when her husband arrives unexpectantly. "Quick," she says, "into the closet!"
The husband finds the exterminator's clothes, however, and becomes suspicious. He pokes around and finds the guy. "Who are you, and why are you in my closet?" the husband asks.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," the man answers, "and I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths."
"And why are you nude?" inquires the husband.
The man looks down at himself and says. "Those little bastards!"
6. Three guys are drinking and discussing the dates they had the night before. "My date was a nurse," says the first guy. "As we got naked, she said, 'Lie back and relax. this won't hurt a bit."
"Wow," responds the next guy. "Mine was a teacher. She said, 'Bad boy! Do it again until you do it right!"
"I can top that," says the last guy. "Mine was a stewardess. All she said was, 'Put this over your mouth and nose and continue to breathe normally."
I hope you all enjoyed...more will come soon.
1. Sadie falls into a deep depression after losing her husband of 4 years. So her mom introduces her to a young man named Rick and convinces the two to go out. They hit it off, and after two weeks of dating, they decide to take a weekend vacation together.
The first night, they check into a hotel and get ready for bed. Sadie strips down to a pair of black panties, and Rick gets totally naked.
"What's with the panties?" he asks.
"You may fondle my breasts," she says, "but the rest belongs to my late husband until I'm done mourning."
So Rick fondles her breasts until he and Sadie fall asleep.
The next night it's the same scenario-Sadie in black panties and Rick totally naked. This time, however, Rick has an erection, and he's wearing a black condom.
"What's that?" asks Sadie.
Says Rick, "I'm going to offer my condolences."
2. What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub?
Answer: Throw in a load of laundry.
3. A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when a woman sidles up next to him. "You're cute", says the woman. "Do you want to go back to my place and have some nasty sex?"
"You bet!" exclaims the hillbilly. "But I have to tell you, I'm a virgin. I've always been scared because my mom told me that women have sharp teeth between their legs, and sometimes they bite."
"Don't worry," the woman says, and the two head back to her place, where she strips and shows the hillbilly her private parts. "Now, does it look like I have teeth down there?" she asks.
"How could you possibly have teeth down there?" he says. "Look at the shape your gums are in!"
4. Two 80 year old women are driving in a car when they come upon an intersection. The light is red, but they drive right through it. The woman in the passenger seat thinks to herself, 'I must be losing it. I could swear we just ran a red light.' After a few more minutes they come upon another intersection and again they run the red light. The woman in the passenger seat decides to speak up: "Mildred! You just ran two red lights in a row!"
"Oh", says Mildred. "Am I driving?!?"
5. A woman is having an affair with a pest-control man. One afternoon they're making love in her bed when her husband arrives unexpectantly. "Quick," she says, "into the closet!"
The husband finds the exterminator's clothes, however, and becomes suspicious. He pokes around and finds the guy. "Who are you, and why are you in my closet?" the husband asks.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," the man answers, "and I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths."
"And why are you nude?" inquires the husband.
The man looks down at himself and says. "Those little bastards!"
6. Three guys are drinking and discussing the dates they had the night before. "My date was a nurse," says the first guy. "As we got naked, she said, 'Lie back and relax. this won't hurt a bit."
"Wow," responds the next guy. "Mine was a teacher. She said, 'Bad boy! Do it again until you do it right!"
"I can top that," says the last guy. "Mine was a stewardess. All she said was, 'Put this over your mouth and nose and continue to breathe normally."
I hope you all enjoyed...more will come soon.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Letters to Myself-3/28/2008
They have a new technology that puts GPS tracking systems in phones. This system is offered by Sprint-Nextel and Verizon and Apple will soon come out with one. I think I would like to get one of these for me and Madelyn because then whenever I'm out late working she won't believe I'm out playing her dirty like she sometimes believes and vice-versa. I wonder if Madelyn would be willing to do this? Or will she be afraid to be caught out there?
The FDA is studying whether an allergy medication "Sinuiand" can be linked to suicide. I was wondering if I could sue the state and the company if I was prescribed this medication while in DOCS and my aggressive behavior during my last bid was connected to the side affects of this medication.
Today a baby was kidnapped by Jennifer Lacham in Sanford, Florida, in a hospital. The baby was only one day old; I can't even imagine how I would react if this had happened to my daughter.
While I was writing this they opened my cell for chow; I hadn't even noticed that they were running chow already.
I really don't understand how my so-called family can forget about me so easily; when I was home I always was there for them. It's funny how disloyal people can be. I stood by Madelyn and loved her and even had a baby with her but she was the first one to abandon me in my time of need. Every time the mail passes my cell and I get nothing I hurt a little bit more; sometimes I hurt so much that it actually feels physical...I get a pain in my heart. It's times like this that make me question whether or not I chose to be with the wrong woman. I mean I had the opportunity to be with other women and I believe that they wouldn't have abandoned me just because I'm in prison. I can't believe that I fell in love with a woman who doesn't even care about me and has probably already moved on with her life.
Letters to Myself-3/27/2008
I was in transitional services class today and we were talking about the losses that occur in our lives as a result of our incarcerations; a few of the guys suggested that we lose control of our girls, however, I feel that we never really had control over our girls or anyone else for that matter. I believe that a human being is not a "thing" and therefore they can not be "controlled" since they have the ability to say no and do something different.
Our perception of "control" is that someone does what we ask, suggest or order they do, however, these people only do these things because we were convincing and they chose to do them; everyone has a choice.
I'm watching CNN's Larry King Live and they have Glenn Beck, the host of Headline News talking about how there is a huge risk of the Social Security and Medicare funds being depleted. Now mind you, he's a republican and yet he is suggesting that they raise taxes in these 2 areas. Is he suggesting that he may go democratic this time around? Hmmmm.
Our perception of "control" is that someone does what we ask, suggest or order they do, however, these people only do these things because we were convincing and they chose to do them; everyone has a choice.
I'm watching CNN's Larry King Live and they have Glenn Beck, the host of Headline News talking about how there is a huge risk of the Social Security and Medicare funds being depleted. Now mind you, he's a republican and yet he is suggesting that they raise taxes in these 2 areas. Is he suggesting that he may go democratic this time around? Hmmmm.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Letters to Myself-3/26/2008
I have already earned a "typist" job title in General Business and I'm running through my lesson plan in ten-key calculator so that, hopefully, after next week I'll also have the job title of "Calculator-Machine Operator" and be on my way to earning another job title. I hope to earn a qualifying job title by May so that I will have satisfied my vocational requirement and I'll have an opportunity to possibly get my Earned Eligibility Certificate before I go to my merit board in August of 2008. I hope and pray for this so that I could go home to be with my daughter.
Lately I've been seriously considering about writing a book so that hopefully I could earn enough money so that I could help[ support my family a little better. My only problem is that I always start writing a book but can never seem to finish it; will I finally be able to finish a book now? I sure wish I had a laptop right now so that I could maybe do it with the help of the computer.
Lately I've been seriously considering about writing a book so that hopefully I could earn enough money so that I could help[ support my family a little better. My only problem is that I always start writing a book but can never seem to finish it; will I finally be able to finish a book now? I sure wish I had a laptop right now so that I could maybe do it with the help of the computer.
Letters to Myself-3/25/2008
I'm suffering from "writer's block" but they say in order to overcome writer's block you have to keep writing until you get back on message so here I am. All I keep thinking about is how I'm gonna do my best to earn my Certificate in General Business so that I could better my chances to go home to my daughter.
Everything I do is so that I could make my chances better and better because I know that everything must be hard for Madelyn right now. It's hard to find jobs and prices are rising due to the fucked up economy. Also, I'm afraid that eventually the loneliness will overwhelm Madelyn and she'll just move on to another man, forgetting about me...us.
I worry that if she moves on I'll be pushed out of my daughter's life and another man will called "Daddy". These are the things I keep thinking about as I try my best to get home as soon as I can so that I could prevent it. I really hope that Madelyn is much stronger than that and expresses a stronger sense of loyalty to our relationship considering all the good memories we have together and the fact that Destany is our first child and we shared in her creation. I just wish she would write me; that hurts the most: abandonment or my sense of abandonment.
Everything I do is so that I could make my chances better and better because I know that everything must be hard for Madelyn right now. It's hard to find jobs and prices are rising due to the fucked up economy. Also, I'm afraid that eventually the loneliness will overwhelm Madelyn and she'll just move on to another man, forgetting about me...us.
I worry that if she moves on I'll be pushed out of my daughter's life and another man will called "Daddy". These are the things I keep thinking about as I try my best to get home as soon as I can so that I could prevent it. I really hope that Madelyn is much stronger than that and expresses a stronger sense of loyalty to our relationship considering all the good memories we have together and the fact that Destany is our first child and we shared in her creation. I just wish she would write me; that hurts the most: abandonment or my sense of abandonment.
A Political Question For All of You-1/19/2012
This country is suffering from debt...our citizens are suffering from poverty, illnesses and homelessness...and yet, the Government does not hesitate to send trillions of dollars to other countries to help cure their sick, fight their poverty and erase their homelessness....Would you support a law prohibiting the Government from sending any money to other countries to help their sick and poor until we first heal our own sick and reduce homelessness and poverty right here in the USA? I welcome all comments.
Letters to Myself-3/24/2008
A father's job is to be there for his child...To protect his child...To clothe his child...To feed his child...I have been failing to do my job due to my drastically wrong decision to carry a knife.
Letters to Myself-3/23/2008
I'm watching alot of these news programs with all of these politicians talking about the economy and justifying why the banks, particularly Bear Stearns, had to be bailed out while all of the Americans who are losing their homes to foreclosure should be ignored; these people don't care about the people who have very little money. This is typical America and how they have always conducted business: the rich get richer while the poor get poorer. I think it's time to change that way of thinking because if we don't we are all gonna end up being poor except for maybe a half percent of the country.
This generation has a problem with racial injustice both literally/actually and economically. "Actually" is evidenced whenever the police automatically assume that a young black or spanish man with gold chains and a nice car is in a stolen car or a drug dealer. Or when a job interviewer sees a young black or latin with a tattoo in his arm and automatically assume that he/she is a gang member but when they see the same tattoo on a white they think he was in the armed services. These evidences than branch out to give evidence of its economic effect.
Due to these sterotypical thoughts it is oftenly hard for minorities to get jobs and stay out of prison. The reactions of minorities to these thoughts is usually to allow an inner anger to harbor and fester. This anger is then expressed negatively against people they believe are responsible for their injustices, but these people are often innocent and are just being used as scapegoats for the injustices.
The real people "responsible" for the injustices are almost never addressed for their unjustifiable thinking and actions because these actions though unjustifiable are seen as the norm and we rather prefer not to challenge the norm. This is how we often deal with injustice: we keep it to ourselves and then beef, cry and whine within each other about them instead of tackling the injustices head-on. This is the reason why Barack Obama's speech receives so much praise...and so much criticism.
You see, the real people responsible for the racial injustices are not the white man, or the black man or the immigrants, or the businesses or the government: the real people responsible is ourselves. We all play a part and we are afraid to face the responsibility of our parts in this broken system of thinking. This is what Obama's speech highlights: the fact that we can point no fingers at anyone else because we are the ones responsible whether we are racist ourselves or just ignore and allow it.
I have a daughter and I would like her to grow up in a different type of society. i want her to be able to do anything she puts her interest in irregardless of what it is. This is one of the reasons that once I go home I'm gonna put together a portfolio of Destany's pictures etc. I want her to be like a Janet Jackson, raven etc.; I want her to be like a child star so that once she grows up enough to make her own decisions she'll have all those opportunities.
Also, I'm gonna start teaching her now, while she's still a baby so that she could absorb all of the knowledge. I'm gonna sing to her the alphabet song because that's usually one of the first things they teach in school and they say that the best way to teach is through music. What I want is for her learning level to be at least 2 years ahead of the normal child. when she goes to kindergarten she'll know her A,B,C's and 1,2,3s. By the time she starts learning arithmetic in school she'll learn calculus! this will give her the opportunity to be a scientist, lawyer or teacher if she chooses to be.
I want Madelyn to teach Destany how to cook, wash clothes and read and write so that she could be a chef, own a dry cleaners/laundry or just be a nanny if she chooses to be. I want her to be able to be anything she wants to be; no limit to what she could become. When I was young my chances were limited because of our financial situation but I want more for Destany.
I wonder if I could possibly get my Associate's in Business like I started to when I was home. Maybe if I could get to work release then maybe I could also take care of my debt to ASA and then continue to get my degree while also in work release. I want to be able to work at a good paying job so that I could provide a better life for Destany; her future depends on how I could support her and I'm gonna do my best to ensure that she gets the best support.
The majority of our children never get anywhere in life; before they even reach 25 they are either dead or end up in prison or with children they can't provide for; I don't want that to happen to Destany. I worry so much about her. I worry that she grow up in a society that won't accept her unless she's giving up pussy or is willing to shoot people. i just want Destany to be part of that small percentage of our children who grow up to have a respectful and prosperous future; so far my decisions have been wrong and fatal but i have to determine whether or not I will make right ones now. I will!
This generation has a problem with racial injustice both literally/actually and economically. "Actually" is evidenced whenever the police automatically assume that a young black or spanish man with gold chains and a nice car is in a stolen car or a drug dealer. Or when a job interviewer sees a young black or latin with a tattoo in his arm and automatically assume that he/she is a gang member but when they see the same tattoo on a white they think he was in the armed services. These evidences than branch out to give evidence of its economic effect.
Due to these sterotypical thoughts it is oftenly hard for minorities to get jobs and stay out of prison. The reactions of minorities to these thoughts is usually to allow an inner anger to harbor and fester. This anger is then expressed negatively against people they believe are responsible for their injustices, but these people are often innocent and are just being used as scapegoats for the injustices.
The real people "responsible" for the injustices are almost never addressed for their unjustifiable thinking and actions because these actions though unjustifiable are seen as the norm and we rather prefer not to challenge the norm. This is how we often deal with injustice: we keep it to ourselves and then beef, cry and whine within each other about them instead of tackling the injustices head-on. This is the reason why Barack Obama's speech receives so much praise...and so much criticism.
You see, the real people responsible for the racial injustices are not the white man, or the black man or the immigrants, or the businesses or the government: the real people responsible is ourselves. We all play a part and we are afraid to face the responsibility of our parts in this broken system of thinking. This is what Obama's speech highlights: the fact that we can point no fingers at anyone else because we are the ones responsible whether we are racist ourselves or just ignore and allow it.
I have a daughter and I would like her to grow up in a different type of society. i want her to be able to do anything she puts her interest in irregardless of what it is. This is one of the reasons that once I go home I'm gonna put together a portfolio of Destany's pictures etc. I want her to be like a Janet Jackson, raven etc.; I want her to be like a child star so that once she grows up enough to make her own decisions she'll have all those opportunities.
Also, I'm gonna start teaching her now, while she's still a baby so that she could absorb all of the knowledge. I'm gonna sing to her the alphabet song because that's usually one of the first things they teach in school and they say that the best way to teach is through music. What I want is for her learning level to be at least 2 years ahead of the normal child. when she goes to kindergarten she'll know her A,B,C's and 1,2,3s. By the time she starts learning arithmetic in school she'll learn calculus! this will give her the opportunity to be a scientist, lawyer or teacher if she chooses to be.
I want Madelyn to teach Destany how to cook, wash clothes and read and write so that she could be a chef, own a dry cleaners/laundry or just be a nanny if she chooses to be. I want her to be able to be anything she wants to be; no limit to what she could become. When I was young my chances were limited because of our financial situation but I want more for Destany.
I wonder if I could possibly get my Associate's in Business like I started to when I was home. Maybe if I could get to work release then maybe I could also take care of my debt to ASA and then continue to get my degree while also in work release. I want to be able to work at a good paying job so that I could provide a better life for Destany; her future depends on how I could support her and I'm gonna do my best to ensure that she gets the best support.
The majority of our children never get anywhere in life; before they even reach 25 they are either dead or end up in prison or with children they can't provide for; I don't want that to happen to Destany. I worry so much about her. I worry that she grow up in a society that won't accept her unless she's giving up pussy or is willing to shoot people. i just want Destany to be part of that small percentage of our children who grow up to have a respectful and prosperous future; so far my decisions have been wrong and fatal but i have to determine whether or not I will make right ones now. I will!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Letters to Myself-3/22/2008
I was thinking today that maybe I could start writing a book; since I seem to lose interest in writing a book because I don't see quick results I could use my journal to record it bit by bit. What I could do is write it out in bits as i get interested in it and just keep it in here until I think I am finally done to put it all together and edit it.
I've begun to write about 3 books but I lose interest after awhile and I would just put my work to the side after a few chapters. Well, what I could do is write out the chapters in here so that when I lose interest I'll just continue to write in the journal and then when I gain interest again I'll start writing a few more chapters and so on and so on.
Once I get home I'll start doing the same on my laptop and then after I get a few more chapters I'll get all those together with what I got here and my other 3 books and see if I could piece it all together to make one or 2 books for publishing.
Yesterday I received a letter from the Legal Aid Society informing me that they were being assigned by the Court to represent me in my Criminal Appeal; I hope and pray that these people do their jobs correct and I win my appeal because I want to finally clean up my record. I figure if i win this appeal I could then get a Certificate of relief because its been almost 3 years since my last crime. Also, if I win my appeal then I can probably sue NYC and win at least $100,000 for my time in prison; I want to use the money to hopefully buy a house/condo for me, my daughter and my girl. i want my family to live comfortably; I want Destany to have a childhood better then mines.
Sometimes I think about my cat, Mitsu; I hope she's okay. It's fucked up how a cat who can't fend for herself can give a person her all and yet we do things like what got me in jail and as a result they now have no one to feed her etc. i wonder if she's missing me too? It's probably hard for pets to get used to being without the attention they were raised with getting.
I think alot about Destany and I wish I could be there to watch her growing up. i should be there with her, protecting her, feeding her, holding her etc. I shouldn't be in jail because she needs me. destany needs her father.
I remember when Madelyn first found out she was pregnant. Madelyn had doubts about keeping the baby; she thought we weren't ready. She was afraid that she couldn't do anything for the baby because she didn't have a job. She was afraid that i would try to take away the baby from her. I assured her that I wouldn't. I pleaded with her to keep the baby.
I begged Madelyn to keep the baby; our first baby. I told her not to worry. I told her to keep the baby because I would work to support all of us. I told her that I would never leave her as long as she didn't leave me.
By February she was still talking about getting an abortion and would still drink but I have a feeling that she had already decided to keep the baby because I never saw her taking any serious steps to get the abortion. Then she officially told me she would keep the baby; I was so happy. I would sit in the car when I was alone and picture how it would be.
Yes, I would picture it in the car because Madelyn was beginning to push me away. I didn't really understand why but Madelyn was beginning to lose interest in me; she didn't like to hug me or kiss me anymore and so I began to stay out later and later. I would work more and more and even when I was finished working I wouldn't want to go home because I didn't like how it would make me feel to be pushed away by the woman I loved.
I used to ask Madelyn why she used to do it but all she would say is that it was how she's always been or that it was the pregnancy. I just couldn't understand it but I began thinking that maybe it was because she was playing me dirty.
In February I got arrested for having a knife I used to use at work. I bailed out and after that it seemed like my girl didn't want to leave my side. I loved the feeling!
Whereas before I couldn't get her to go anywhere with me, she would now go everywhere with me. I loved seeing the love in her eyes again. the way she would go everywhere with me.
In February of 2007 I was arrested and from that moment on I was driven with the fear of my family's insecurity to try to work and save up all my money to help provide for my family if I get locked up. I took out life insurance plans, and tried to save up money in the bank, hoping that I could make enough so that my girl and daughter would be okay while I was gone. Unfortunately, I misplanned and now they are in financial trouble.
My greatest error was my failure to account for Madelyn's inability and/or lack of desire to find employment. My plan would have worked if she would have found a job within one month after giving birth and yet she didn't even try.
Everytime that I asked her to find a job she would almost always try to use the excuse of how she had just gave birth but that is not good enough because you have alot of mother's who go to work after giving birth. There were a few times where I begged and pleaded with her to go job searching and she said she did, but, though I believe she did go, I don't believe she was really motivated to find a job because she used to go with the baby and her mom. I told her that the best way to do it was to go by herself. Also, i couldn't help but remember how I used to have to beg her to go to stores to look for a job when I was home.
I've begun to write about 3 books but I lose interest after awhile and I would just put my work to the side after a few chapters. Well, what I could do is write out the chapters in here so that when I lose interest I'll just continue to write in the journal and then when I gain interest again I'll start writing a few more chapters and so on and so on.
Once I get home I'll start doing the same on my laptop and then after I get a few more chapters I'll get all those together with what I got here and my other 3 books and see if I could piece it all together to make one or 2 books for publishing.
Yesterday I received a letter from the Legal Aid Society informing me that they were being assigned by the Court to represent me in my Criminal Appeal; I hope and pray that these people do their jobs correct and I win my appeal because I want to finally clean up my record. I figure if i win this appeal I could then get a Certificate of relief because its been almost 3 years since my last crime. Also, if I win my appeal then I can probably sue NYC and win at least $100,000 for my time in prison; I want to use the money to hopefully buy a house/condo for me, my daughter and my girl. i want my family to live comfortably; I want Destany to have a childhood better then mines.
Sometimes I think about my cat, Mitsu; I hope she's okay. It's fucked up how a cat who can't fend for herself can give a person her all and yet we do things like what got me in jail and as a result they now have no one to feed her etc. i wonder if she's missing me too? It's probably hard for pets to get used to being without the attention they were raised with getting.
I think alot about Destany and I wish I could be there to watch her growing up. i should be there with her, protecting her, feeding her, holding her etc. I shouldn't be in jail because she needs me. destany needs her father.
I remember when Madelyn first found out she was pregnant. Madelyn had doubts about keeping the baby; she thought we weren't ready. She was afraid that she couldn't do anything for the baby because she didn't have a job. She was afraid that i would try to take away the baby from her. I assured her that I wouldn't. I pleaded with her to keep the baby.
I begged Madelyn to keep the baby; our first baby. I told her not to worry. I told her to keep the baby because I would work to support all of us. I told her that I would never leave her as long as she didn't leave me.
By February she was still talking about getting an abortion and would still drink but I have a feeling that she had already decided to keep the baby because I never saw her taking any serious steps to get the abortion. Then she officially told me she would keep the baby; I was so happy. I would sit in the car when I was alone and picture how it would be.
Yes, I would picture it in the car because Madelyn was beginning to push me away. I didn't really understand why but Madelyn was beginning to lose interest in me; she didn't like to hug me or kiss me anymore and so I began to stay out later and later. I would work more and more and even when I was finished working I wouldn't want to go home because I didn't like how it would make me feel to be pushed away by the woman I loved.
I used to ask Madelyn why she used to do it but all she would say is that it was how she's always been or that it was the pregnancy. I just couldn't understand it but I began thinking that maybe it was because she was playing me dirty.
In February I got arrested for having a knife I used to use at work. I bailed out and after that it seemed like my girl didn't want to leave my side. I loved the feeling!
Whereas before I couldn't get her to go anywhere with me, she would now go everywhere with me. I loved seeing the love in her eyes again. the way she would go everywhere with me.
In February of 2007 I was arrested and from that moment on I was driven with the fear of my family's insecurity to try to work and save up all my money to help provide for my family if I get locked up. I took out life insurance plans, and tried to save up money in the bank, hoping that I could make enough so that my girl and daughter would be okay while I was gone. Unfortunately, I misplanned and now they are in financial trouble.
My greatest error was my failure to account for Madelyn's inability and/or lack of desire to find employment. My plan would have worked if she would have found a job within one month after giving birth and yet she didn't even try.
Everytime that I asked her to find a job she would almost always try to use the excuse of how she had just gave birth but that is not good enough because you have alot of mother's who go to work after giving birth. There were a few times where I begged and pleaded with her to go job searching and she said she did, but, though I believe she did go, I don't believe she was really motivated to find a job because she used to go with the baby and her mom. I told her that the best way to do it was to go by herself. Also, i couldn't help but remember how I used to have to beg her to go to stores to look for a job when I was home.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Letters to Myself-3/21/2008
Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico just endorsed Obama for the presidency; he is the only hispanic governor in the country. I really hope that this is a sign that hispanics are finally waking up and seeing that they should be on Obama's side instead of that racist Hillary Clinton's. I mean for real: What can we possibly have in common with her?!? She's a rich white girl who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth! She knows nothing about the racism and the prejudism we experience when we apply for jobs or walk down the street. She doesn't know what it's like to have to eat ice because there's no food in the cubboard..to have to steal electricity from your neighbor in order to watch T.V. because there's no money to pay the electric bill..or to have to heat up water on the stove because her building is so old that the hot water doesn't work all time. Barack Obama does know these things! He came from a single parent family, that didn't have money out their ass. He came from a household that didn't have enough money to afford to move out of a crime-ridden neighborhood. Nothing was handed to him; he had to work and struggle! Hillary was a spoiled little bitch who just expected everything she wanted. Evidence of that is how she is willing to do anything to try to win the election.
I want to go home so bad but DOCS is doing everything in their power to try to stop me. I had put in for a transfer to a Medium because I hope that it will make my chances to get parole a little bit better but they denied it because of my disciplinary record from my last bid. I can't understand why they are still using stuff against me that I did 3 years ago. I am doing 1 1/2 to 3 years for a non-violent crime and yet they got me in a Maximum Correctional facility; those fucking people are dickheads. Even though this has me mad I still won't let that stop my progress. I'm gonna show them that i am bigger than that; I'm gonna stay out of trouble and remain programming/learning general business and I'll request a transfer again in May. My daughter has to come first and I refuse to allow anything to get in between us!
I want to go home so bad but DOCS is doing everything in their power to try to stop me. I had put in for a transfer to a Medium because I hope that it will make my chances to get parole a little bit better but they denied it because of my disciplinary record from my last bid. I can't understand why they are still using stuff against me that I did 3 years ago. I am doing 1 1/2 to 3 years for a non-violent crime and yet they got me in a Maximum Correctional facility; those fucking people are dickheads. Even though this has me mad I still won't let that stop my progress. I'm gonna show them that i am bigger than that; I'm gonna stay out of trouble and remain programming/learning general business and I'll request a transfer again in May. My daughter has to come first and I refuse to allow anything to get in between us!
Letters to Myself-3/20/2008
I just can't believe this country; here we have Barack Obama, a person who has shown that he can be a leader by tackling an issue that almost no politician would ever dare even mention and yet everyone is now saying that he did it because it was a political move. I think people are just afraid to talk about how racism is still rampant in this country.
It's just been found out that someone has breached Obama's passport file violating security and his privacy. Don't these people understand that if they win this election by playing dirty that in a worst case scenario alot of the people in this country will react in ways that may be reminiscent of the Rodney King riots? I wish people would just play fair.
It's just been found out that someone has breached Obama's passport file violating security and his privacy. Don't these people understand that if they win this election by playing dirty that in a worst case scenario alot of the people in this country will react in ways that may be reminiscent of the Rodney King riots? I wish people would just play fair.
Letters to Myself-3/18/2008
I just heard Barack Obama's speech in Pennsylvania regarding his pastor's words and race in America. I believe that it was a wonderful speech and the fact that he stuck by his pastor even though alot of people would like him to condemn the man proves to me and the people in the country that he is unfailingly loyal and is a different type of politician as he's been professing to be. I just pray that he wins the nomination and then the election so that maybe he could then lead the country to positive change.
Letters to Myself-3/17/2008
It's funny how we as people are so judgmental of people who don't do things like everyone else. It's crazy how the fact that I choose to stay to myself and just do my time so that I could go home as soon as possible is looked at as if I'm afraid. Is it really a show of fear to want to get home to my daughter? Is it so bad to want to stay out of trouble so that I could finally do good things in life? It seems like people are so worried about the way I choose to do my own bid; don't they have their own bids to worry about?
I regret that I used to think that way. I used to think that staying out of the jailhouse politics was wrong but now I can see that it is just insane for someone to make another's way of life a priority in yours simply because you don't agree with how they live it. I wish other's would see how stupid it is for them to try to control other's way of life; can't no one tell me how to live my life unless I let them and I refuse to let anyone control mine. My daughter is my number one priority and if I have to risk being ostracized from criminal circles or circles of alleged friends in order to stay out of trouble than so be it.
I vow to do whatever is best for my daughter and one of the things that is best for my daughter is for me to remain free so that I can be there to help her eat, live, and learn; i can't do nothing for her from in here. for the rest of my life, I will remember that everything I do will not only effect me but also effect her and so my decisions will always be with that in mind.
I regret that I used to think that way. I used to think that staying out of the jailhouse politics was wrong but now I can see that it is just insane for someone to make another's way of life a priority in yours simply because you don't agree with how they live it. I wish other's would see how stupid it is for them to try to control other's way of life; can't no one tell me how to live my life unless I let them and I refuse to let anyone control mine. My daughter is my number one priority and if I have to risk being ostracized from criminal circles or circles of alleged friends in order to stay out of trouble than so be it.
I vow to do whatever is best for my daughter and one of the things that is best for my daughter is for me to remain free so that I can be there to help her eat, live, and learn; i can't do nothing for her from in here. for the rest of my life, I will remember that everything I do will not only effect me but also effect her and so my decisions will always be with that in mind.
Letters to myself-3/16/2008
Today, I did very well with my diet even though I ate a bagel and gingerbread (2 pieces 1/2). I have to rethink my original diet plan. I can't eliminate bread from my diet altogether because there are days when they give eggs and I like those etc. However, I figure if I cut down on eating a little at a time then I'll be able to become used to eating less food.
My goal is to lower my weight to 150-160 pounds. Once I get to a medium I'll add jogging to my work-out so that maybe I could speed up the process. I hope to lose at least 5 pounds by April 30th; my only problem is that I don't know how much I weigh now.
Once I get to a Medium I'll begin jogging and using an AB wheel so that besides losing weight I'll also get toned up but to get a head start I'll cut down my eating now while I'm in a Max.
I have to remain committed to this diet plan because I want to get skinny so that I could then get big; maybe even with a six pack. Dedication will do it!
I was thinking today that maybe the reason why my girl started losing interest in me is because I started getting fat and sloppy. I mean I started thinking about all the men she liked: Pierre, will, Willy, Eddie, etc; none of them was fat so maybe that's why she began pushing me away. Well, no more because from now on I'm gonna be toned up and with a six pack.
My goal is to lower my weight to 150-160 pounds. Once I get to a medium I'll add jogging to my work-out so that maybe I could speed up the process. I hope to lose at least 5 pounds by April 30th; my only problem is that I don't know how much I weigh now.
Once I get to a Medium I'll begin jogging and using an AB wheel so that besides losing weight I'll also get toned up but to get a head start I'll cut down my eating now while I'm in a Max.
I have to remain committed to this diet plan because I want to get skinny so that I could then get big; maybe even with a six pack. Dedication will do it!
I was thinking today that maybe the reason why my girl started losing interest in me is because I started getting fat and sloppy. I mean I started thinking about all the men she liked: Pierre, will, Willy, Eddie, etc; none of them was fat so maybe that's why she began pushing me away. Well, no more because from now on I'm gonna be toned up and with a six pack.
Letters to myself-3/15/2008
Lately, I've been getting very self-conscious about my weight, so I've decided to start doing something about it. My last bid, I tried to tackle this problem by working out, however, there's a problem with that: when you lose weight you lose your muscles before body fat so before I make any muscles I have to lose the body fat.
For the last two weeks I've been doing a minimal basic work-out: 2 sets, 3 times a day (before every meal) of: 15 push-ups, 15 squats, 10 step-ins and 100 side bends. I figure if I keep this basic work-out I'll remain agile without making too many muscles to slow down my slimming process.
Okay, in order to lose weight I have to control my eating. For the last month I've cut down my bread to only those necessary for whenever they serve stuff like sandwiches as opposed to how I used to eat it all the time. However, I messed this up because I would eat 2 soups almost every night, so I have to upgrade my diet.
First off, I have to stop eating butter. I stop eating bread period even when all they give is sandwiches or sloppy joe. Second, no more salt. Third, whenever they serve salad try your best to make it your entree. Forth, try to limit my soups and when I do eat them only eat 1 not 2.
So starting tomorrow this is your diet menu:
1) No bread
2) No salt
3) No butter
4) More Salad
For the last two weeks I've been doing a minimal basic work-out: 2 sets, 3 times a day (before every meal) of: 15 push-ups, 15 squats, 10 step-ins and 100 side bends. I figure if I keep this basic work-out I'll remain agile without making too many muscles to slow down my slimming process.
Okay, in order to lose weight I have to control my eating. For the last month I've cut down my bread to only those necessary for whenever they serve stuff like sandwiches as opposed to how I used to eat it all the time. However, I messed this up because I would eat 2 soups almost every night, so I have to upgrade my diet.
First off, I have to stop eating butter. I stop eating bread period even when all they give is sandwiches or sloppy joe. Second, no more salt. Third, whenever they serve salad try your best to make it your entree. Forth, try to limit my soups and when I do eat them only eat 1 not 2.
So starting tomorrow this is your diet menu:
1) No bread
2) No salt
3) No butter
4) More Salad
Friday, January 13, 2012
Friday the 13th Poem
Friday the 13th..
...the scariest day of the year.
Black cats, witches and goblins..
..Soon to appear.
Jasons and Freddy Krugers...
..All over to cause doom..
Superstitions and beliefs...
..People will assume.
Heartache and pain...
..At the lost of life.
The pain you feel...
..When you go through strife.
Friday is Friday..
..No wonder in that.
No need to fear women...
..Carrying black cats.
The black cat is your pet..
...Asking for your last bit of meal.
The witches are the kids...
...Who chose your car to steal.
The goblins are your neighbors..
...Who hate when you have fun.
The Jason your landlord..
..Who asks for his rent in front of everyone.
The Freddy Kruger's your nightmare..
..Of you jumping off an elm.
After going through the pain...
...And embarassment in the street's realm.
So have a nice Friday...
...No matter what the date.
13 is just a number...
...Just another day to contemplate.
...the scariest day of the year.
Black cats, witches and goblins..
..Soon to appear.
Jasons and Freddy Krugers...
..All over to cause doom..
Superstitions and beliefs...
..People will assume.
Heartache and pain...
..At the lost of life.
The pain you feel...
..When you go through strife.
Friday is Friday..
..No wonder in that.
No need to fear women...
..Carrying black cats.
The black cat is your pet..
...Asking for your last bit of meal.
The witches are the kids...
...Who chose your car to steal.
The goblins are your neighbors..
...Who hate when you have fun.
The Jason your landlord..
..Who asks for his rent in front of everyone.
The Freddy Kruger's your nightmare..
..Of you jumping off an elm.
After going through the pain...
...And embarassment in the street's realm.
So have a nice Friday...
...No matter what the date.
13 is just a number...
...Just another day to contemplate.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Cripple's Childhood take 1
There are many things that have occurred in my life that many would consider harsh, or pitiful. There were many things that occurred when I was a child that many theorists would say could have contributed to some of the things that I've done in life like the robberies etc.
I can remember way back to when I was about 10 years old. I was staying with my classmate's family because me and my mother were homeless but she wanted me to be able to stay in school; my mother always wanted me to get an education no matter what our situation. Since the apartment I was staying in was only a 2 bedroom but was filled with 5 people (besides myself) there was no room for my mother to sleep there with me. Due to the lack of space, my mother stood with one of her friends; a different friend everyday...the classic routine of a homeless person. This is how I spent most of my childhood; separated from my mother due to poverty.
I appreciate everything that my classmate's family did for me; my classmate's name was Peter Thomas and his parents were John and Jane Thomas from Bronx, New York. I hope that if they ever read this they understand how much I appreciate it all...they taught me responsibility, organization and to be punctual. They did alot of the teaching that I should have received from my mother because they were my surrogate parents.
Please do not misunderstand me; I, in no way, blame my mother for this, instead I blame the fact that I was in poverty. I believe that society played a part in my situation...my mother was a college graduate in business, with skills in dancing, and no hesitation in taking the lowliest of jobs, if necessary, but yet she still couldn't find a job that would help her support us...no matter how hard she looked or how much help she asked for, this job was not to be found; no one would hire her.
What kind of man/woman would you have grown up to be if this occurred to you? What career would you end up in?
I can remember way back to when I was about 10 years old. I was staying with my classmate's family because me and my mother were homeless but she wanted me to be able to stay in school; my mother always wanted me to get an education no matter what our situation. Since the apartment I was staying in was only a 2 bedroom but was filled with 5 people (besides myself) there was no room for my mother to sleep there with me. Due to the lack of space, my mother stood with one of her friends; a different friend everyday...the classic routine of a homeless person. This is how I spent most of my childhood; separated from my mother due to poverty.
I appreciate everything that my classmate's family did for me; my classmate's name was Peter Thomas and his parents were John and Jane Thomas from Bronx, New York. I hope that if they ever read this they understand how much I appreciate it all...they taught me responsibility, organization and to be punctual. They did alot of the teaching that I should have received from my mother because they were my surrogate parents.
Please do not misunderstand me; I, in no way, blame my mother for this, instead I blame the fact that I was in poverty. I believe that society played a part in my situation...my mother was a college graduate in business, with skills in dancing, and no hesitation in taking the lowliest of jobs, if necessary, but yet she still couldn't find a job that would help her support us...no matter how hard she looked or how much help she asked for, this job was not to be found; no one would hire her.
What kind of man/woman would you have grown up to be if this occurred to you? What career would you end up in?
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